In tough economic times, libraries are often forced to make painful budget cuts. Too often though, these cuts (layoffs, materials spending, etc.) happen behind the scenes and go unnoticed by library patrons. Librarians can help their own budget situations by making bold, noticeable budget cuts that are sure to capture the attention of their users. Some suggestions:
- Replace compact fluorescent light bulbs with... no light bulbs.
- Replace photocopiers with volunteer oral historians.
- Charge $5 per printed page. (Twenty-page minimum.)
- Hire volunteer sex-offenders to conduct all story-time and young adult programming.
- Replace audio-book collection with homeless people who will follow patrons around and read books aloud.
- Heat the library by burning Bibles.
- Stop buying vampire novels.